he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
