i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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