your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
