shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
