Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
