I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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