This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
