She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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