Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
