People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
