Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
