You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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