she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
