I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
