I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
