help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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