happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
