I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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