He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
