im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
