Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
