he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have fence marks all over my body
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