I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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