Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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