I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
