Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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