Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize