apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
