If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize