yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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