Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
