The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
