I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
