Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
