i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
