what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
