I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
