I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
