Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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