So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Who died my cat blue again?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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