I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
