'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
