i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
