I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
