At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
