my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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