I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
