There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
