apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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