I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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