once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
