I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
