So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
