was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize