i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
please don't ironically join a cult
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