OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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