I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
