Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
