Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a hot homeless man
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
